are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
