dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
