This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
