I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
