Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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