Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
