my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
im holly from the hills drunk
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
