He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
