I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
