Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
