Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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