literally had 100 drinks last night.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
