Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
