Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
