You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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