How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Randomize