fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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