my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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