my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
