I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
