Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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