I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
