you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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