You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
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Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
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Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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