so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
