A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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