Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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