I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
