when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
