I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
