i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
