Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
