Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize