btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
