..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
