Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
