are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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