Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
