I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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