so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
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my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
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You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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