some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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