So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
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I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
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woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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