i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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