I am puke
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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