oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
