Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I think I won the penis lottery.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Even the bartender felt bad for me
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
