I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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