apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
