I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
