Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Randomize
