we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
