This is not my ceiling
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
