If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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