her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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