If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
