dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Its about making memories worth repressing
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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