At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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