how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
