Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
honey bunches of taint.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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