what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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