Kiss
Puke
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
